I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
