Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
