Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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