I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
