So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
is it fun? or sober?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
