Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Too much gin, very little bucket
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
