My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
