Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
