Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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