just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
