Where are you?
In a non slutty way
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
