You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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