please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
