my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
