the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
