i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
