Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
