How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
