Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
