i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
