Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
