so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
