So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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