I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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