I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
