Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My penis needs a shock collar
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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