I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
