Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
