no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
