Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
