good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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