Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
