No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
