Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
