I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
