Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
