He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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