Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
