the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
