walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
