This girl is more easily done than said...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
