oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
