Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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