He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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