oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
