I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
