You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
then he tried to convert me to islam
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
