I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
