and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
