hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
