no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
