you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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