So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
