Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
