I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
